Where dead letters get a post-mortem.

March 28, 2006 — Today's autopsy is performed on Steve L. Fornal's letter sent to me yesterday. This effort is designed to be provocative via irony, but I'm jumping the gun...
Mr. Fornal's letter is in blue. The report is in red.

***

As flattered as I am that you would imbue me with the genius of America's Founding Fathers, I can not allow you — whether by malfeasance or ignorance — to continue to misquote me.

Wrong assumption, as you are alone in your quest to find yourself in the same sentence with America's Founding Fathers. You start the letter by massaging your ego, then, unable to decide what insult to throw at me, you squeeze two of them between two dashes. You end the phrase with a falsehood. I did not misquote you: they are your words, and a link to the full text was always provided. Always. Say it ain't so!

***

The section of my piece entitled World Citizens' Declaration of Independence As Amended From American Original that you continue to quote, should have been clear enough if you actually had read the piece rather than just react to it.

Suddenly I am not misquoting you anymore? Now I'm quoting you, but the "clear enough" meaning eludes me because I didn't "actually" read the whole piece. Is the distinction between a statement of fact and one of opinion so difficult to grasp? You have no way of knowing if I had read the piece or not.

***

Yet you keep referring to the actual verbiage included in the Declaration of Independence and attributing it to me. The entire piece was for an international audience and designed to be provocative via irony.

Ooops! You made a booboo... Please look up the word "verbiage." It means one thing only: words in excess of those needed for clarity or precision. Would you be so kind to point out the superfluous words in the Declaration of Independence. No? I thought so...

You write that I keep attributing to you actual words included in the Declaration of Independence. Let me explain... "To be or not to be" I will always attribute it correctly. "To pee or not to pee" I will never attribute it to Shakespeare, despite of the many words shared with the original.

I apologize for reading the piece before I knew it was for an international audience only... Although your art accompanying the piece is full of references only an "American" could savor.

***

I served as editor and this was an assignment from the publisher of the website. It is a simple perceptual twist to provide a fresh approach to viewing world issues.

Understood, Eric Francis — the publisher — gave you the assignment... Let's "google" Eric Francis!

...Eric Francis is an astrologer and writer roaming the galaxy, currently sitting at the place where two rivers converge in the secret Zen country of New Jersey.

...Eric Francis, the Paris-based astrologer... No! Wait!

...Eric Francis is a Woodstock, N.Y.-based astrologer and investigative reporter on tour in Europe.

...Eric Francis is one of the best astrologer on the Web; the same website also recommends Witch on the Go and Wicca.com

...According to Clean Sheets Erotica Magazine, Eric Francis is an astrologer and sexuality workshop leader living in Seattle.

...Solotouch.com — a masturbation info website — bills Eric Francis as a sex educator, astrologer and a compassionate human being.

Here is a seed from Eric's pumpkin:

"Our world needs a forum for one of the hottest, most necessary and most honest subjects life has to offer. Over the years I've held back from writing, mainly because I have expressed my views and experiences of masturbation in many other forums. But to make a long story short, I am an advocate and facilitator of masturbating together, that is, of mature, sexually experienced adults allowing one another to see, hear and emotionally sense one another's masturbation as a staple of the erotic diet, and as a form of high ritual".

Before I forget, allow me to send a note to myself: Jon, don't forget to read From Self to Self: Masturbation as the Future of Sex by Eric Francis.

Really, Steven... I feel your pain... The Great Masturbator assigned you to play with one of the most revered American icons, and you bent backwards just to provide — single-handedly! — a fresh approach to viewing all these world issues:

Kyoto Protocol, Watered Down Environmental Laws, Inadequate National Health Insurance, Mining/Logging Federal Lands, U.S. 200 mile territorial waters claim, Increased Defense Spending, Stolen Election, Federal Redistricting, Legislative Gerrymandering, Azores Conference, Camp David Accord, IMF Conditions, Iraq Baath Party, Palestinian Authority, Chile Coup (1973), Guatemala Coup (1954), Iran Coup (1953), Italian Election/C.I.A. (1947), U.S. Military In Afghanistan / Iraq / Iran / Saudi Arabia, U.S. Support for Nicaraguan Contras / El Salvadoran Death Squads / Argentinean "Dirty War," Litmus Test for Supreme Court Justices, Ideological Imperatives for Supreme Court Justices, USA Patriot Act, Rebuilding Iraq, National Security Agency, Drug Enforcement Agency, No Declaration of War / Operation Iraqi Freedom, No Declaration of War /Vietnam War, No Declaration of War / Korean War, Iran / Contra Hearings, U.S. Military Philippines Rape, Cuban Embargo, Reagan Administration Nicaraguan Embargo, Al Qaeda Guantanamo Retention, U.S. Extradition Treaties, U.S. Support For Nation Of Israel, U.S. Support For Israeli Security, U.S. Economic / Military Aide To Israel, U.S. Creation of Panama, Alien Sedition Act, USA PATRIOT ACT, Pre-Emptive Invasion of Sovereign Nation, U.S. Military In Afghanistan, U.S. Military / C.I.A. In Iraq, U.S. Annexation Of Hawaii, U.S. Occupation of Puerto Rico/Vieques, USA Patriot Act, Tax Cut For Rich, Enron Debacle, Savings And Loan Debacle, U.S. Claims On Caribbean Mineral Rights, Operation Iraqi Freedom, Colonial Slave Trade, American Savage Capitalism, Nicaraguan Contras, East Timor Massacre, Jonas Savimbi / UNITA, U.S. Puppet Governments, Vietnam War, U.S. Support Of Paramilitary Groups In Latin America, U.S. Involvement With Venezuela Coup, U.S. Support Of Israeli Invasion Of Lebanon, Sabra / Shatila Massacre, Iraqi Kurds Uprising, Iraqi Shiites Rebellion...

***

The Declaration of Independence was altered only by entering Citizens of the World, or people of the world, or nations of the world in place of references to American representatives, American people or America. Then, all references to Great Britain/England etc were replaced with references to America or the United States etc.

I don't want to know how you did it!

***

Included with each stanza were examples (as referred to in the stanza in which they appear) that the readers could "google" in order to ascertain the, at the very least, perceptual reality of the charges.

Stanza! A nice word, I like it myself... Too bad you can't use it when talking about prose... Look it up!

***

The irony is, of course, when people realize that the very document that served as platform for the American Revolution could, indeed serve the people of the world in their own revolution against us. Hence, caution is required of Americans to more deeply delve into world events in which the United States has been implicated. The hope is that Americans will begin to see the stimulus/response quality serving as the basis for hatred and acts of terrorism against America.

You have watched too many times that Michael Moore movie... Give it a rest...

***

Another problem noted on your website (seemingly purposely disingenuous) is the reprinting of my letter to the editor that I did not send you. Yet, you put it under the heading of More Hate Mail as if I did send it to you. At least be up front with what you're doing.

As mentioned someplace else on this site, you are right on this one: your letter was sent to Blue Stone Press, but — unless your opinions are publication specific — you should rather thank me for spreading them around. Does it really matter to whom did you send it?

***

You perhaps should try to discuss with me the many misperceptions you seem to have in regards to my personal philosophies and/or my efforts on behalf of the residents of this township rather than blather nonsense, mischaracterize, intimidate, bully etc., etc., while insisting such low-brow responses are critical review.

Thank You,

Steven L. Fornal

Steven, I would be honored to discuss with you any subject you desire, but I'm troubled by your last paragraph... Trouble is, you have already decided that your thoughts are personal "philosophies" while mine are low-brow misconceptions, nonsense, used to mischaracterize, intimidate, and bully... So much for dialogue.

Jon Dogar-Marinesco