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The Rochester Town Board has just announced that — in order to keep up with Marbletown — Openglish will be the official language rather than the English which is currently spoken in town.
A 5-month phase-in plan was approved despite residents' opposition, strongly expressed at the Public Hearing.
In the first month, "s" will replace the soft "c"... Sertainly, this will make the cousilmen jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k." This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. Fransis Gray can finally spell Republikan Klub.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond month when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f." This will make words like fony 20% shorter.
In the third month, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
The Town Board will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth month people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v."
During ze fifz monz, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz monz, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Und efter ze fifz monz, ve vil al be speking Opnglish like zey vunted in ze forst plas. Ze drem of a united tovn vil finali kum tru.
If zis mad yu mad, ples tel oza pepl.
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